celebrating an anniversary 🎉

🤗 hi.

it might be weird to celebrate the anniversary of quitting a job. but here we are. i've had a lot of mixed feelings about being "gainfully unemployed." some days it feels pretty great, you can do whatever you want on a tuesday—go to yoga at 11AM, visit a museum, or if i'm feeling wild I can drink wine with lunch. other days, i get lost in a spiral thinking about the amount of time passed (how is it basically november?) which pushes the "panic + anxiety" button in my brain.

it's more common for people to take time off in france, though they usually only do so because they have access to a system of unemployment benefits provided by the french government (which i don't have). there's a number of ways to take time off here—accrued time at a company can equal months of paid time off, "rupture conventionnelle" a friendly employer breakup complete with unemployment benefits, or of course, the holy grail, being let go or fired! there's also an option in a lot of big french groups to take a year off (unpaid) to work on a startup, if it doesn't work out at the end of the year, you come back to your contract—guaranteed. with all that support in place, i'm surprised more people don't take breaks or try to build their own companies. 

a lot of people have asked how i managed to take time off. the short answer is living a verrry calculated life lead me to the place where i had the flexibility* (funds) to do it. part of that involved a tax scheme preventing me from visiting the US for more than 30 days a year. another part of that involves eating my savings and re-framing it as an investment in myself. (interesting read on how we teach girls that money is scarce and to be saved and boys the importance of investing to build wealth) 

as i was approaching this anniversary i realized i'm ready to get back to work. i'm excited to have a routine again, co-workers, maybe even a commute (but make it <20 mins and no metro transfers, plz)! i'm grateful to have ridden the unemployment emotional roller-coaster, with all it's ups and downs, but i'm looking forward to a new challenge.

in an effort to focus on the positive (rather than the overwhelming, confidence-smashing, "i'm unemployable" crying episodes) i started to take stock of what i've done in place of FTE over the past year, and i was pleasantly surprised by what i'd accomplished. most of which wouldn't have been possible had I not quit. so in the spirit of celebration (and an ever-so-subtle effort to pre-thank the universe for my future employment) i wanted to share some of the things i learned over the past year. 

 

gainfully unemployed learnings

a random order sabbatical recap

cook for enjoyment - honestly until the past few years i didn't really care about what i ate. it generally skewed "healthy" or vegetarian but over the past year, as i've had more time, i'm more aware of what i'm putting into my body. seeing my "friends" (i pay these people afterall) at the market has become one of my favorite routines. there's also something so gratifying about the laborious tasks of peeling, and chopping, or simmering a sauce or pressing your forehead against the oven door glass waiting for just the right moment to take those cookies out. these small acts do great things for my sanity.

the most perfect french cursive

sell and close a company - so when i say i quit, i did. but in the end we agreed that i would stay "available" during the transition to the new company, which we assumed would be done by the end of 2018, but was actually finished in *august* 🙃 during this period i "learned" how to let go of a team i deeply admired. i realized (wayyyyy too late) that no one will set boundaries to protect you if you don't. but i also saw the ins and outs of negotiations and completed the never ending paperwork to finally close our french entity.

the acquisition took eight months longer than we thought,
but at least i got a trip to hong kong and some good food out of the deal

listen to your health - early this spring i had a stressful few months after discovering an "unidentified large mass" on an ovary (everything's okay). but if i hadn't taken time off, i don't know that i would have seen a doctor because my symptoms weren't dramatic. ultimately, having the time to meet specialists (hello chinese medcine!) and do my own research has lead me to what appears to be a strong recovery.

a hike in franche-comté

love - i firmly believe that anything is possible, but i can say my chances of falling in love grew dramatically when i had the time, space and energy to dedicate to it. also, i never would've gone on a last minute ski trip with what was essentially a random guy from the internet if i'd had a job. common sense would say that's a good instinct to follow, but that random guy's turned out to be prettttttty great ❤️

a pas mal sunrise in the mountains

start a company (almost*) - i spent 5 months developing a concept for a direct-to-consumer frozen meal startup. we hired a chef, visited commercial producers, attended multiple frozen food trade shows, did lots of competitive research (ate soooo much shitty frozen food) and met with branding agencies and investors. 

i still dream about the vegan mac and cheese

nourish your creativity - i worked my way through the 12 week program of the artist's way. i took myself on artist dates, made more floral arrangements, took photos again and started writing. most importantly, i started sharing and connecting with others more.

breathe - i've learned taking a breath and trying look from the 10,000 ft perspective is the only thing that will dig me out of the subterranean self-worth spiral. yoga helps too :-)

the yoga barn in ubud might be the best place to breathe


 

say yes, a LOT. - with an open schedule you get to say yes to to friends, yes to trips, yes to coffee, yes to being a godmother, yes to lunch, yes to that 4th glass of wine. 

i said yessssss to this whole fish
one of my favorite meals this year, a pop-up at cantina

this year provided some much needed clarity. it's made it easier to identify the things i want to bring into my life—the environments, people, habits and work that will be most fulfilling. i'm moving into a new phase and figuring out what i want for the next few years. so while it's not perfectly clear if my next job will be arranging flowers or reconciling p&l's or if i'll take one full-time role or go the multi-hyphenate-virgil-abloh route, it feels like it's coming.

i see a few paths opening up—one is starting my own company here in france, creating my own events and experiences and maybe working with food. another is taking on a role that requires what i've been mastering the past few years, building and managing operations between france and the us. 

as with most things, having more options can create paralysis. so i'm just focused on creating forward action. sometimes it feels like i want to do all of the things, but in order to do anything, you just have to start :-)

-x